MAKING LOVE

When I was a kid (I’m totally dating myself with this one) I absolutely LOVED sitting in front of the TV with a bowl of cereal on Saturday mornings, watching a show called School House Rock!  This wasn’t just a show it was more like an educational, cultural experience set to music it was a movement!!

Okay I’m back. As you can probably read in these words I really dug this show. My favorite episode was one from the Grammer Rock series entitled Verb:”That’s What’s  Happenin!”. This one is so funky, before you know it you’re singing and dancing along with it and forget that you’re actually being taught an English lesson. What you learn is; almost anything can be made a verb by simply adding ing; listen+ing=listening, talk+ing=talking, communicate+ing=communicating.

Love+ing=loving. Yes love is a verb! Pastor Andy Stanley teaches a powerful series on “making love….a verb”. He points out the fact that love as a noun is simply not enough to sustain relationships over time. We should be intentional about loving one another every day. Pastor Stanley is specifically referring to the marriage relationship in his teaching but my lesson goes a bit further. I believe God wants us to love as a verb in all of our relationships. My way of putting love into action daily for my children is huddling up with them in front of their classrooms each morning and pray+ing with them, thanking God for giving them sound minds and bodies to meet the days challenges and adventures with enthusiasm and courage. Some days we even pray together for their teachers and classmates (depending on their attention span, they’re 5 & 6 so it gets interesting). My way of putting love into action for my husband is concede+ing a point for the sake of the “bigger picture” (I’m 40ish so this doesn’t happen often:o). My way of making love…”work” for my mom and grandmother is going to pick up groceries, medications or running other errands for them, not because I “have” to but because I know it blesses them when I do this.  I could go on and on but you get the point right?

Love as a noun is what brings people together, it’s the introduction. Love as a verb is what keeps people together, it’s the relationship.

With that I challenge you to think of ways you can MAKE LOVE…a verb today!

click link below for some motivation!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=US8mGU1MzYw

Peanut Butter and Honey

Peanut Butter and Honey

 sounds sticky huh? Well trust me it is. I know this because this is one of my two son’s favorite snacks! apply this mixture to anything and they’ll eat it!

Soooo, How ’bout we apply it to our relationships. I know again it sounds sticky and even a little kinky depending on where you’re at in your own head right now. Here’s where I’m at, some of the things we enjoy the most can be quite messy. Relationships are that way. If your anything like me, the relationships you have built in your life are the things you enjoy most but boy does that marriage, parenting or friendship get messy at times, in fact if we’re honest we wish we could just “wash our hands” of the whole thing some days! But on the flip side they can also be the most satisfying experiences of our lives.

I think about the times I allow the boys to “make their own” snack I set the peanut butter, jar of honey, bread or sometimes crackers, and little plastic (monkey shaped) knives on the table and watch them go to town. As they giggle and compare who’s is the best (and by this they mean gooiest) I stand by with wet towel and swifer in hand. After the last glob of peanut butter has been smeared and honey has been dripped, the look of satisfaction on their faces is priceless. It makes me smile to see their peanutbuttery, honey sweet smiles.

Recipe:

PB & H sandwich

Ingredients:

• 2 slices bread (we use whole grain bread, but feel free to substitute what you like)
• Generous heaps of peanut butter
• Healthy drizzle of honey

Preparation: spread peanut butter on one side of both pieces of bread, make sure to cover the bread (that’s the way the boys like it). Then take honey and drizzle on both sides of bread cover to taste.(David likes it on both sides, while Jacob only likes honey on one side so clearly it’s up to you!) Smash both pieces of bread together so hard you leave your hand print. Enjoy!

This recipe courtesy of David and Jacob

Is there a point? other than this mom sharing a story and snack recipe? I’m glad you asked. YES. The point is this; relationships require essential ingredients to make them satisfying. Like the peanut butter and honey that makes a very satisfying, literally “stick to the tummy”, snack. There are certain “stick to your heart” ingredients in relationships.

Recipe

Healthy Relationship

Ingredients:

• Honesty-This ingredient is essential and absolutely can not be substituted with half-truths, or holding back a portion. Must add total honesty to recipe.
• forgiveness-You may need liberal portions of this depending on who you are preparing recipe for i.e. spouse, child, friend, boss etc.
• Communication-Without this ingredient you will not be able to prepare this recipe. If you are all out of communication in your home you should “pick some up” or consider another recipe.
• Trust-After you have added all of the above ingredients, resist temptation to add in other stuff like mind reading and accusations. It will compromise the outcome of recipe.
• Agreement-Make sure all ingredients are compatible and working together. If you want to “serve up” something sweet make sure you are adding in sweet things. Check expiration dates on your ingredients don’t add in hurt and anger from years ago this will compromise the outcome of recipe.
• Be Patient-“a watched pot never boils”, but a hovered over person does. You may have to prepare this recipe several times before it comes out perfect and that’s okay. The good news is once you have all these ingredients in your home you have “food for life”.

Preparation: Add all of the above ingredients into every relationship you value. Mix thoroughly making sure all of your loved ones are covered with mixture. Invite them to God’s table where generous amounts of prayer should be added. Serve and Enjoy! 

Suggested serving tips:

For most satisfying results sprinkle an ample helpings of fun, friendship, and passion on the top of each serving.

This recipe courtesy of Maisha F. Under the guidance of God The Father

The Truth About Lying

Who told the first lie?
Unfortunately lying is as old as language itself. If we look back at Biblical history, in Genesis chapters 2& 3 we meet Adam and Eve, and the very first lie. God created Adam in His image and then “gave him” Eve, flesh of his flesh, bone of his bone. God placed them in the Garden of Eden also known as paradise. There He gave them the gift of conscience and the responsibility of choice. Let’s explore their story;
There were 2 very significant trees in this paradise, The Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. The Tree of Life as you might imagine gave humanity the power to live forever and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil held the power to know right from wrong. God gave Adam only one prohibition. He told him “You must not eat of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil; if you do you shall surely die”.
We don’t know much about Adam and Eve, what they were like, before they ate the fruit. We don’t know if they sinned or lied before they ate the fruit, but most importantly neither did they, you see they had no knowledge of right and wrong. The Bible tells us that Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed. The fact that they were “naked” exposed their imperfections and illustrated their open and honest relationship with God.
As the story goes, a Serpent (“tempter”) came and Adam and Eve did against God’s command eat of the tree. Adam and Eve immediately drop dead after the first bite, Right? No. Not right. But they did die. This act of disobedience lead to their being cast out of the garden and ultimately being separated from their purpose and The One who gave it to them, spiritually, this is surely death!
When God came to Adam in the garden He did not accuse him though He knew what Adam and Eve had done. Instead God expressed His curious nature asking Adam “Where are you?”, “Who told you, you were naked?”, “Did you eat of the tree that I commanded you not to eat?” God said to Eve “What have you done?”
Adam and Eve blamed each other and the Serpent. In turn God tells them the consequences of their actions. God is not telling them what He will do to them. He is telling them what consequences their actions have brought upon them. God also set boundaries around the other gifts or privileges He created to deter further sin/deception.

Fast forward to 2012, the motivation for and consequences of lying have not changed. Just as it was with Adam and Eve, absent some influence and life experience we really don’t know the difference between right and wrong. Once we gain this knowledge and discover we are on the wrong side of right we lie to escape blame or consequence only to discover that the lie has its own natural consequence and furthermore those who have been lied to or deceived will set boundaries to ensure they are not deceived again.

Pre-Schoolers “Once upon a time…”

At this stage of development it is important to note that fibbing or lying is a natural phase of development. So rather than assigning some sinister motivation to your child’s behavior or defining the child by the behavior, we should view it as a stage of learning the difference between reality and fantasy and an opportunity for teaching the importance of telling the truth.

When your 4 year old looks at you and says they didn’t color on the wall while they are holding the “smoking” crayon in their hand or that they didn’t spill the milk while they are standing in a puddle of white liquid, what they really mean is they wish they hadn’t done whatever it was that caused that angry look on your face. Since they didn’t mean to make you mad, in their mind they didn’t and with their words they are hoping to convince you of the same.

Instead of asking (loudly) “Did you…” you may want to restate the rule, “Remember we have a rule in this house that we only…” and then suggest a solution to the current problem e.g. “let’s clean this milk up”

If your child is telling an impossible or outlandish tale “the teacher flew around the classroom today…” challenge this with a light heart. Ask if this is real or made up, help them elaborate on the story by making it even more outrageous “Imagine if your teacher did have wings and she could fly do you think that’s how she gets to school every day?” Instead of getting frustrated and discouraging a child that may simply be trying to have fun with you, you can help them develop their imagination while teaching them the difference between reality and “make believe”.

Try approaching lying from a positive viewpoint instead of yelling and calling the child a liar when you catch them in an “untruth”. The fear of further negative consequences may often cause them to continue lying. Talk to them about the importance and positive benefits of telling the truth. Focus on what type of behavior you want from your child. When they tell the truth about something they have done wrong, acknowledge it, simply say “thank you for being honest with me, that was really brave or “that was a really good choice you made”. This way they understand that honesty is the right thing and that you are aware that they “chose” not to lie. Never make promises that you; “won’t be mad at them if they just tell the truth” because you may not be able to keep that promise, thereby compromising your word. Instead be honest with them about how you feel about the behavior “I am disappointed/angry you broke the lamp when you were throwing the ball in the house, but now you know why we have the rule, no throwing indoors.” At this point you can assign an appropriate consequence. Sometimes this honest conversation is enough to prevent repeat offenses but in the event there is one, the consequence should be immediate and always appropriate.

If your child is telling tales about trips they have taken with their family or things they have, this is also typical. Wishful thinking or swapping stories (real or imagined) with classmates is a social rite of passage. But in the event the imagination takes over reality, this can also be challenged in a positive way. Saying things like “yeah that would be an awesome place to visit or thing to have. But what about (insert a place they have actually been or thing they have that is particularly special to them) isn’t that cool?” This way they are being challenged to stay truthful, focus on what they have and not see other children as having better things or being better.

By about age 4 children know the difference between the truth and a lie. At this age when they lie they do so for many of the same reasons adults do: to avoid negative consequences, gain an advantage, and even to boost self esteem. Toddlers sometimes lie to gain or maintain a perceived position of power, maintain privacy, or to protect a friend.

What you can do to help promote truthfulness:

•   Never underestimate the power of modeling. We must “practice what we preach”. Like everything else in life children learn to lie from the people around them. Parents and teachers show children in subtle and not so subtle ways to suppress their honesty. “Look at that funny looking man” a child will yell in public, “I don’t like this” a child will say to a gift they have been given, “yuck” they will say when eating something that doesn’t taste good. Slowly but surely we teach them that this kind of honesty is “not okay”.  Chances are in your daily life as an adult you tell 1 or 2 “pro-social” lies. You know the ones we tell to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. These lies are considered normal and are pretty much accepted. But don’t expect your, blatantly honest,  take everything literal, child to understand that when you tell them they must “never tell a lie” but then tell them to say to Grandma that the sweater she made them, that is 2 sizes too small itchy and, highly flammable, etc is “their favorite”, this will confuse them. Set a good example by being tactfully honest yourself e.g. When getting an unwanted phone call, instead of saying you have a “bad connection” you could say “I’m not in a position to talk right now, may I call you back later”. If you make honesty valuable it will become something that holds value for your child.
• v Cool down. The calmer you are the better you will communicate. The first step is to convey the message that lying is wrong. Then address the reason why the child lied about… Remember some children will lie more to avoid anger than to avoid punishment, so be cool.
• v Use consequences that promote the development of conscience. Consider a Kindergartener who has discarded several notes sent home by the teacher requesting a meeting. His parents have not received any notes, and are shocked when  the teacher calls, the child denies any knowledge of the notes. At this point the parents may feel emotions such as anger, despair and disappointment but rather than act on these emotions, it is best to consider this consequence: require the child to tell the teacher that they have not been giving the notes to their parents and apologize. They can then ask for another note to bring home.
•   Consider the motivation for the lie.  In the case of the kindergartener mentioned before, were they trying to avoid punishment? Were they afraid of the consequences of their behavior? What was the reason for the lie? It is often helpful to look past the action and focus on the reason for the action in order to figure out what the child is gaining or afraid of losing when they lie.
•   Story Telling. Children are very interested in stories; use this as a way to point out the logical consequences of lying. Remember the boy who cried wolf? Or you can tell a story from your own life (and I’m sure you have at least 1) in which you had to suffer the consequences of a lie you told.

Occasionally lying is simply a sign that the child is looking for more attention or maybe more structure. Try establishing a daily schedule, regular bed time, limit TV watching and video game playing, establish a reading time before bed. This will increase a child’s sense of security within the family.

In the words of Erik Erikson-“it’s a long haul bringing up our children to be good, you have to keep doing that-bring them up-and that means bringing things up with them: asking, telling, sounding them out, sounding off yourself-, finding through experience your own words, your own way of putting them together. You have to learn where you stand and make sure your kids learn where you stand, understand why, and soon, you hope, they’ll be standing there beside you”

 But mothers lie. It’s in the job description.

–          John Green

 

Adolescent “What’ EVER!”

 Welcome to adolescence or what Dr. Carl Pickhardt has termed the “hard half” of parenting. In general adolescents tend to lie more than children ages 10 and under, both by commission (deliberately telling an untruth) and omission (conveniently leaving out important details leading to false impression). But why? In early and mid-adolescence “freedom” is particularly important.  Lying may also be an easy way out of trouble and into adventure, getting to do something that has been forbidden. Let us not forget the old standard lie to escape punishment for misbehavior or poor choices. But it stands repeating that the pursuit of FREEDOM is where lies most often occur in the adolescent years.

Since it seems that the lying will be kicked up a notch in the teen age years, after all there is so much more at stake, it becomes even more imperative for parents to impress upon their teens the “costs” of lying. How lying will affect them and their relationships, essentially itemize the costs liars commonly pay:

1. Liars hurt those they love. Parents who are lied to can feel hurt because lies take advantage of their trust, they can feel angry because they were deliberately mislead, they can feel frightened because they don’t know what to believe and so they feel a loss of control. Liars are left feeling guilty because of the damage they have done to the relationship with their loved ones.
2. Liars are double punished. Lying is always a gamble. If the teen is not found out, there is no punishment (except maybe the time and energy it takes to keep the lie from being exposed). If the teen is found out, he or she is often punished twice- first for the offense itself and second for lying about it.
3. Liars complicate their lives. They have to remember two versions of “the truth”; the actual truth and the lie they’ve passed off as the truth. This can make communication complicated. It is better just to tell the truth up front and deal with only the consequences of the action rather than wrong actions and deception.
4. Liars live in fear. They are forced to live wondering if their lie will hold up or one day come crashing down on them. They live in fear of being found out.
5. Liars feel out of control. Most often to keep the initial lie concealed, liars are forced to cover up one lie with another. Pretty soon they lose track of all the lies they’ve told. They find it harder and harder to keep their story straight.
6. Liars hurt themselves. Because they lack the courage and character to own up to the truth of their actions, they live a coward’s life. Each time they deny the truth they take another notch out of their self esteem.
7. Liars are lonely people. They tend to be more isolated or secretive in order to keep from being found out. They distance themselves from those to whom the lies were told.
8. Liars become confused. Lying can become confusing, even to the point where the liar himself gets tangled up in the webs they’ve spun. This obviously becomes more of an issue the more lies are told. The liar starts out deceiving others but ends by fooling himself.
9. Liars out smart themselves. A lie is essentially a trick to get others to believe something that is not so. But honestly speaking most lies don’t hold up. If they are initially “sold” they eventually fall apart and the liar is found out, making them not as smart as they think they are.
10. Liars are offensive. Each time they are found out (and they will be) liars have to deal with the anger and resentment of the people they have lied to. Even if the lie is seemingly “harmless” it damages a person’s ability to take a liar’s word for anything. Liars have to live with a tainted view of their character.
11. Liars want to be free from their web. After a lie or lies have been exposed and the consequences/punishments have been issued, the liar is actually relieved to have been set free from that tangled web. Liars are usually dreaming of the day they are no longer held captive to their lies.

Whatever the reasons teenagers lie parents need to treat lying seriously at this stage, it can sometimes be the last chance before adulthood that we have to teach the importance of telling the truth and save them from a lifetime of bad relationships. The quality of relationships depends mostly on the quality of the communication. Lying can erode that quality.

“There is no trust without truth. There is no intimacy without honesty. There is no safety without sincerity. And there is no such thing as a “little” lie because when parents overlook one lie we only encourage the telling of another.”     Dr. Carl Pickhardt

“I’m not upset that you lied to me. I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Adult “What we don’t know won’t hurt.  Right?”

For adults, lying serves purposes other than avoiding punishment, although most adults have tried lying to get out of a traffic ticket, Jury Duty or other more serious infractions. According to Robert Feldman, a Psychologist at University of Massachusetts, adults want to control how others see them, and they want to control how they see themselves. According to Feldman, people will lie to appear more agreeable and to impress others in social situations. They want to elevate their self esteem. He says, “Once their self esteem is threatened, people will lie immediately. They will lie about the kind of car they drive, where they live and how much money they make.”

“The best lies about me are the ones I told”

-Patrick Rothfuss

‘

•   Adults like attention too! In fact this is the motivation behind a lot of the lies people tell. People lie because they lack self confidence and feel overlooked by their peers. They typically make up stories in order to gain some attention.
•   Lying to get incentive or benefit is also a common motivation for adults to lie. Lying on a resume or in an interview in order to get a position is quite common. Even if the lie were to be beneficial in the short term, the long term consequences of having to eventually admit that they don’t have the necessary skills or experience can be quite costly.
•   Lying in relationships-People lie in relationships for a couple of reasons. One reason is to try to hold on to a dying relationship, feigning illness or pregnancy are age old lies used essentially to hold a person hostage in a failing relationship. The other is to cover up a mistake or poor choice made in a relationship such as an affair. These lies are usually a combination of omission and commission. As we explored earlier commission is an outright telling of an untruth (e.g. I was working late) and omission is deliberately leaving out vital details of information (e.g. you were working late, but so was your new secretary). Yes, cliché but you get the point!

“over time any deception destroys intimacy and without intimacy couples cannot have true lasting love”

-Bonnie Eaker

Whether it be saving face, shifting blame or for personal gain most adults if honest will admit to telling a lie or two every now and then. But how often are you lying, to whom, about what?

 

v  People also lie to themselves regularly. They lie about how much time they have to finish a task, how much they ate, smoked or drank in a day etc.  These lies only serve to undermine the one telling them.

“The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others”

-Friedrich Nietzsche

What is a Pathological liar?

Pathological lairs have been characterized as feeling “compelled” to lie about everything, small and significant. This person has also deluded themselves to a great extent- meaning they are convinced of their own lies. They are able to create a separate identity with their lies. Research has shown that people considered to be pathological liars had significantly more white matter than the normal brain, meaning there was a lot more wiring in their brains. The study was done using MRI testing. Researchers believe this difference makes pathological liars masters at the art of lying. More conclusive research is yet to be done.

“Imagine every lie as a crack in your integrity, as time goes on it will lead to a gaping hole in your character”

-M. Florance

How can I tell if someone is lying to me?

There are a few tell tale signs that someone is being dishonest in their communication:

•   Avoiding eye contact- usually a person makes eye contact at least half the time they are talking to you. If you notice someone looking down or away from you during a particular part of the conversation they may be lying to you.
•   Change in voice tone- a variation in pitch of voice or rate of speech can indicate lying. Also lots of umm’s, ahh’s and excessive clearing of throat can be a sign of lying.
•   Body language- Turning away of the body, covering face or mouth, lots of fidgeting, shifting of legs or hand wringing can be a sign of deception.
• v Contradicting oneself- saying things that are different than what was said earlier. Should be a red flag.

So, the truth is;  lying is something everyone has done at some point in their lives. Most people know the difference between right and wrong and make choices accordingly. If you or someone you know and or  love are choosing to lie frequently it may be necessary to work with a Therapist to uncover the motivation for the lies. Although there are many reasons why people lie, there is one very important reason to tell the truth. YOU are worth it!

 The story of George Washington and the Cherry Tree

George Washington at 6 years old cut away the bark of his fathers, prized English Cherry tree, causing it to die. This angered his father very much. He asked “George do you know who has killed my beautiful little cherry tree yonder in the garden? I would not have taken five quineas for it.”

George cried “I cannot tell a lie father, you know I cannot tell a lie! I did cut it with my little hatchet.”

The anger died out of his father’s face and taking the boy tenderly in his arms he said, “My son that you should not be afraid to tell the truth is more to me than a thousand trees! Yes though they were blossomed with silver and had leaves of the purest gold.”

 

To make an appointment with Maisha call (800) 998-6329 xt 330~ email her at maishaf@turningpoint.org~Follow her blog @http://simplyservinghim.wordpre

P.I.M.P. my soul

Traditionally the term pimp has very negative connotations. It has been used to describe a flashy, unsavory, ruthless,  character who exploits women for his personal gain.  The pimp is all about his women, his money, his clothes, and his car(s). Although this persona is portrayed as some  “larger than life”, “above the law” icon that some men (have you heard the lyrics of some of the rap songs lately) aspire to be.

Please don’t mistake my words as a sweeping condemnation of all Hip Hop. I grew up with this culture and genuinely love it. But all the  rap songs that endlessly chant the “money hoes, and clothes” mantra seriously grieve me.` You can, and a great number of artist have found positive messages to share with their audience!

What grieves me even more though is the way we pimp out our souls on a daily basis. We misuse our God-given gifts of time, talent, intelligence, and money in pursuit of temporary pleasures (you know what they are). God wants us to desire and has promised us so much more than this world could ever hold for us. We only need to seek Him out first ……

In the “new school” the word pimp has come to mean something positive. For example to “pimp your ride” means to fix it up, to make it more pleasing for not only the driver but the passenger and onlookers as well. In fact to “pimp” anything means to take it up a notch.

So while we’re at it let’s get creative (in the spirit, of course) and let’s allow God to do something only He can do: P.I.M.P. our souls!

There are 4 very important stages to this process;

• Protect-“The God of my rock, in Him I will trust, He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my savior. Thou saved me from violence, I will call on the LORD, who is worthy to be praised; so shall I be saved from mine enemies.” 2 Samuel 22:3-4 Ask the Lord to protect your soul from temptation daily. Trust Him to keep your soul safe.
• Inspire “For I know the plans I have for you” says the Lord, “they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope” Jeremiah 29:11 NLT. Let this word from the Lord inspire you to live the life He has planned for you, for your good!
• Mature– “When I was a child I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child, when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” Corinthians 13:11. Becoming mature in God’s word means giving up the “security blanket” of our childish ways. “Let go and let God”.
• Perfection– “Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (The Messiah)has laid hold of me and made me His own. 13 I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,14 I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.  15 So let those [of us] who are spiritually mature and full-grown have this mind and hold these convictions; and if in any respect you have a different attitude of mind, God will make that clear to you also. 16 only let us hold true to what we have already attained and walk and order our lives by that. 17 Brethren, together follow my example and observe those who live after the pattern we have set for you”. Philippians 3:12-17 Amp Here Paul is saying he’s clearly not perfect but he is striving toward perfection, which has nothing to do with this world’s idea of perfect but everything to do with God’s calling on our lives.

The world can pimp your ride but only GOD can P.I.M.P. your soul!! 

Was it something I said?

Proverbs chapter 15 of The Holy Bible instructs us on the POWER of our words., saying they have the ability to build up or tear down the spirit of others.Proverbs 18:21 says: “the power of life and death is in the tongue”.These are words I have hidden in my heart as one who loves to connect with others through words. As a matter of fact I did not realize how deeply “hidden” these words were until speaking with an older colleague of mine the other day. As I went on and on about a particular topic he stopped me and asked “may I point out something to you in love”? Of course I thought, okay here we go, that’s just what people say before they speak things that are anything but loving. But what I said was “sure”. He went on to say” have you noticed how many times you said “have to” while you were talking?. I said” well, no I guess not” and thought what a weird question. He went on to say ” it sounds as if you have totally forgotten that God gave us choice”. Before I could act on my instinct to defend my words, I thought about it, that was his perception of my words but by no means was it the intent of my words. I explained “oh no, I absolutely realize God’s grace in giving us the ability to make choices”. What I meant by “have to” is an acknowledgement that a choice has already been made and now it is time to apply action to that choice.  To choose, to be a better communicator in your relationships with others, yet never speak your needs, desires, expectations, and concerns to those you are in relationship with, makes your choice powerless but once you communicate that choice you have the power to change the relationship. What I learned from my colleague on that day is this: people are listening to what you say. The intent behind your words can often be missed when the focus is the words themselves, so be mindful what you say. Consider the POWER of the tongue when speaking to others. We have the ability to build up or tear down spirits strictly with our WORDS.

Live the Life you Want and Want the Life you Live

That is a powerful statement to me. In fact when I heard it for the first time I didn’t get it because my mindset was “you have the life you have, and that’s all you get whether you like/want it or not”. That was partially my age at the time and the rest, well Cynicism i guess.

Now some 20+ years later I recently heard that statement again “live the life you want and want the life you live”. I get it now!! and I can honestly say, the life I want IS the life I live. Although I don’t have monetary riches to speak of or all of the trappings that the world says makes you a great success, I do have everything I need and still I am living in the glorious expectation of everything that God has promised will be mine. A Life More Abundant. No. I’m not delusional. I know this life is hard and on any given day I can point out several things that “work my last nerve”, but look at these words again carefully “live the life you want and want the life you live”. This is not a question. It is a statement or better yet a choice, an opportunity to choose what we want to do with our time and energy on a daily basis.

“As for me and my house we will serve the Lord”-Joshua 24:15

If we choose to live the life we want we can truly want this life we live. Think about it. It’s your choice!

The difference between “Taken Away” and “Given up”

Have you ever prayed; “Father this is more than I can handle, I don’t want to deal with this anymore, please take it away from me.” I know that I have prayed that prayer in the past. If we are honest we may have even prayed that prayer(in secret) about things that we like but we know are not good for us? As I think about it today, I believe God, in His wisdom does take away those things that we truly can not handle. But more often than not He empowers us with the strength and wisdom to give up those things that are not good for us and cause us to stumble needlessly. I believe sometimes we get caught up in waiting for God to remove obstacles from our path when He is challenging us to choose a different path. Give up our way and go the way He is leading us. That is not to say that there will never be obstacles on the path that God has chosen for us because there will be. The difference is as we go through them they become smaller and smaller, our God becomes bigger and bigger, and our faith grows stronger and stronger. So as our faith, strength, and wisdom matures in Him we can give up praying that he take away all of our obstacles and say thank you for bringing us through because in the end It’s All Good!

The Art of Parenting

The more I work with parents as well as parent my own children I have come to the conclusion that parenting is not a science but rather an art. In science, chemistry specifically, you can use a certain formula and get the exact same outcome every time. You can control the input and outcome of the scientific process. But as a parent you can pour in the same amount of love, discipline, and morals into each one of your children and get different outcomes. Each child as God’s own unique creation has their own gifts, talents, and personalities that are unlike those of even their closest relatives. In this sense our children are like works of art. God has provided us a very precious canvas in our children. As parents we are the medium. But unlike science we cannot control how the canvas receives the medium. For example oil paint will be received much differently on the human body than it will on glass, but the outcome is equally as beautiful in it’s own way. the same with our children. The scientist views same process-different outcome as a failure or mistake. The artist views same process-different outcome as an extension of their talent. So instead of asking “why can’t he/she be more like their brother or sister”? or “they were raised in the same home, why did they come out so differnt”. We should view parenting as our God given opportunity to compose priceless works of art, trusting God the “Master Craftsman” to preserve the art as well as the artist!

Flaws For Facets

So…Yesterday I, along with several other of my colleagues, was blessed to be in a position to connect with Thousands of people, “believers” and “non-believers”, at an annual event called Fish Fest. As I spoke with people who stopped by the booth to inquire about our services,and even as I listened to the music and words coming from the surrounding stages. I had the opportunity to hear testimony after testimony about how God has shown up in times of pain and trouble or how this is the time people need God to show up. I heard stories of angry children, broken marriages, depression, cheating, anxiety,substance abuse, and confusion. What kept coming to my mind was THANK YOU FATHER, for putting us here in this place for such a time as this. I looked in the faces of the people I spoke with. I looked at the expressions on the faces of passers by. I saw every shape, color, and size of humanity and what I felt was love, unity, and a very distinct uniqueness.

You see none of us goes through this life smooth we all have our battles we have to endure (this is what unites us)however even when in the same battle each soldier must take up his/her own armor (this is what makes us unique) which brings me to my revelation:

It is when we are in intense battle that our weaknesses/flaws can and often do get exposed.But when the fight is imminent we have to protect ourselves with the whole armor of God, His Word. We are meant to do battle in this world, and to be victorious!!!!it refines us and sharpens our faith. So when we are cut, bruised, and broken Our Father is just faceting us as diamonds reflecting His light. What we see as flaws and imperfections are representations of our multifaceted Saviour.As we “do battle” our Father has given us victory in trading our Flaws for Facets.

 

The work of Waiting

“They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength” Isaiah 40:31KJV

Isaiah 40:31. This does not mean sit by and wait while God does all the work.

Let’s break this verse down a bit:”Waiting” is an act of service, in fact when you go into a restaurant most of the time you are met by a greeter that will then introduce you to your “server” which used to be known as the “waiter” back in the day. Therfore we are to be serving or working at something while we are waiting on the Lord. I once heard it said that “You can tell what a man is waiting on by what he’s working on”.  If we are not working(doing what He has already given us strength to do), what need is there for renewal? you see the “waiting on” is more of a steadfastness or rooting of your faith in the Lord as you work on your goal.No matter where you find yourself in life or what situation you are facing you can still do Kingdom work, for example, at one point in my life I was literally stricken down with illness. I was in the hospital and I was physically unable to do much of anything, I felt very helpless and somewhat useless, but the one thing that I could still do was use my words, so as God brought Doctors, Nurses, Physical Therapist, Social Workers, and other patients into my presence, I simply shared my faith that God would restore me, that He has a purpose for us all, that the pain,fear, and uncertainty of the night would give way to His relief, protection, and clarity in the morning. This was all that I did day after day, until my strength was renewed and it was time for me to go home.To this very day that Doctor is still in my life as my family Doctor and often tells the story of how I encouraged him and his colleagues.

My goal or purpose in life is to speak words of healing and encouragement to the hurting. Though I did not realize it at that point I was actually working on that goal and today I am blessed and honored with the opportunity to realize it as a Marriage and Family Therapist. In order for God to bring harvest in our lives we must first sew and water the seed. This friends in “the work of waiting”